Through The Mist Of It All

I saw a double rainbow today.

Back in July, a couple posts ago, I felt like I was getting back to normal. Things were looking up and I was feeling good. Along with that came a job opportunity which made me think, hey this might be it, this might be the moment where I actually return to work after a year and a half of being a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong I love my kiddos but I miss working.

Before moving to Colorado I was "Super Mom," seriously I was. After my first kiddo was born I was the bread winner for my family. I supported our family while my husband, who was actually just my baby's daddy at the time (LOL we didn't want to rush into marriage but that's another story) went to culinary school. I worked and he studied to be a chef. I was at home with the little one and he took a 3 month externship to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, Majorca, Spain, and New York City. After he graduated he did get a job but I was still bring in the dough but that changed when we got a really great offer to work for the company that he is currently work for. Long story short that offer moved us out here to Denver. I was used to being the bread winner and when we moved to Colorado I gave it up. But it wasn't just giving up a job to me, it was giving up my security, knowing that I could support myself. It was giving up the place where I was just me, a co-worker, a friend, not a wife or a mother. It was just different.

Anyways, back to the job opportunity. I was offered a positon in an office where I knew I'd be a good fit. You know how women claim to have that intuition, well mine is usually dead on. So I was really excited and the hubby was very supportive and the only thing that we needed to work out was childcare. I started my search right away and I was lucky and found someone that was going to work out just perfectly until...she backed out on me. Uh...yeah...sucky!

So I quickly went back to searching for a replacement. I posted three classified ads on CL for nanny/SAHM/babysitters and got pretty much nothing. I emailed several people looking for work, they either didn't like the schedule I had or they were to expensive. Did you know that nannies charge $15 hour? The job I got wasn't even going to pay me that much. So long story short after two almost three weeks of constant searching, I got nothing. Zip, zilch, nada damn thing. I have to admit that it's been really stressful and quite disappointing. After all the effort that I put forth I come out in last place. People remind me that "everything happens for a reason" and as I know that this is true, it doesn't ease the disappointment.

So I had to go to the office today and let them know that as much as I was looking forward to working with them, I wasn't going to be able to. They were really understanding and that was great because there aren't that may places that would be so understanding. (See, I knew it was going to be a good fit.) So after leaving I decided that I'd go buy a dress. I probably shouldn't have since money is tight but hey I was feeling really down and I rarely ever turn to shopping when I'm upset.

I was driving home under the half-clouded, half-sunny sky, which was producing light rain and thinking about the day and dwelling on the position I just gave up. I was still feeling low, even after buying a dress, and I looked out my window to see a beautiful view. It was a rainbow. I quickly told my son to look and his smile was big and bright which brighten my spirits. When I went to take another look I noticed not only was there one rainbow but there were two. I was on a residential side street so I pulled over and told my son to jump in the front with me because there were two rainbows. We both sat for a few minutes and enjoyed the view. We were so excited and in that moment everything was better. It was almost as if God was saying, "I know your down but there is more to look forward to." My son and I shared our first double rainbow and although he may not remember I always will. Thank you God for the beautiful view and my beautiful son.